KID NATION 111: I JUST LIKE THE RECESS PART (spoilers)

Sorry for the delay, no-one who reads this blog. My wifi has been down for two days, so I've had to find another computer to use. Ohh man I cannot tell you how luxurious it feels to have a "w" key again. Anyway, Kid Nation was on last night.

If anyone was thinking that maybe the Taylor-drama was over and that her portrayal earlier in the season was the result of the stress of being on the council when she is really more of a sleeping-in party-girl and that she'd behave herself from here on out (e.g. me), YOU (me) WERE (was) SO WRONG. The cold opening shows Taylor playing with her beloved Rhode Island Reds and scorning the fluffy-feather-cheeked chickens. Ugly animals must die, says she, because there is not yet such a thing as "animal makeup" to make them presentable. Taylor adds that she once put (presumably human) makeup on her dog. In another part of town, Sophia and Greg plot to make a big chicken feast. Sophia demands of Greg ten chicken carcasses, and he selects the plump-est of the flock. This sends Taylor and a couple of the other Yellow-District girls (Kelsey, who looks like she would be exhausting to babysit but is actually an amazing artist, and Leila, the possibly-albino Moroccan-American) into a protective tizzy. After a brief shoving match between Greg and the ten-year-old girls, he is permitted to behead the chickens of Taylor's choosing (that is, the feathery uggos).

A commercial break, then we get down to town business. The council convenes (I must admit that I laugh every time I see Greg on council) and are ordered to study some history pamphlets on the "old Bonanza." We get a shot of the Nerd Crew of Bonanza--Anjay, Jared, and Alex--who are all quizzing each other on how many digits of pi they can recite (Alex wins) and extraterrestrial life (Jared says there is, but is wrong, the findings are not yet conclusive ). "Somehow" they all know that these leaflets will have something with the challenge, so they agree to make their constituents study. Blaine knows this will be a challenge given that his district is all nine and ten year-olds who've spent the past month deliriously high on the absence of a structured environment like school or a home with parents. Taylor indeed gives some lip and shirks her duties, so she will not be permitted to take part in the reward. I hope it isn't animal makeup!

The challenge has something to do with easy questions, balloons, slingshots, and lug nuts. That Jonathan guy is there again. Green gets first, then Blue, then Yellow, then Red. Bottom again for Red! Ouch! Though I must say after last week's post that I think DK is doing an excellent job as leader from what the editors and producers have cut together in this episode. The reward is a choice between a library or an awesome-jawsome arcade. Feeling that they deserve a little fun, and probably wanting to needle Taylor, they pick the arcade. Taylor is initially not permitted to use it, but does a bunch of dishes and wheedles her way in.

The next morning Bonanza is deserted. No, Child Services hasn't cleaned the town out (as that huffpo guy might quip), all of the kids are in the arcade. Sophia is miffed and tries to mobilize the council leaders. SHEESH, what is she, a Nazi regime? (I'M KIDDING; look at the tone of this thing, do you think that I wasn't exactly like her at that age?) No one really seems to care that they aren't going to eat or not catch dysentery from the porta-johns.

Town meeting. No one wants to go home, but a coalition of sticks-in-the-mud (Sophia, Hunter, and my boy Nathan) object to the town abandoning their duties to play DDR or poker or whatever. Greg appoints Sophia the Sheriff of Bonanza. Those two are the Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu of Kid Nation (I tried very hard to think of a non-communist non-Clinton power-couple and failed).

The epic three-show arc trying to get us to 1) know who this Hunter kid is and 2) convince us he is worthy of a $20,000 prize pays off when he is named a Gold Star pioneer. Hooray! Here is what I know about Hunter: he is apparently very nice, rather Christian, has a strong work ethic, hates the mess the other kids leave behind (esp. dishes), his dad is out of work, and he has a little brother who sent him a letter. I hereby approve the council's choice!

Next week: the council-fellows are exiled and Sophia is left in charge.

Observations

1. Did Divad die or leave or something? I haven't seen her at all for two weeks!

2. How many Gold Stars has Green won? A million billion? (just kidding, I know how to count and I'm really good at it)

3. I'd like to say that I've realized that Zach might not have been making fun of Randi a few episodes ago, and that it was possible that it was just edited to look that way. He could have just been making stupid faces.

4. I must say that I'm rather surprised by the amount of screen time Nathan gets. Sure, he is my fave and all, but he is also a deeply conservative 11 year-old boychoir enthusiast who doesn't do all that much. We've barely seen anything of some of these other kids. I'm glad to see that he's stuck out.

5. Why is Nathan my favorite? Sure, he and I have totally different politics and he doesn't seem to be particularly well-liked by the rest of the town (except by the genius kids, like Alex), but his winning the Gold Star is my favorite moment from the show. Is there anyone for whom winning would have meant more to? Who knew that kids could stop being shits for two seconds to do that for someone?

6. Two more Gold Stars left! GO ALEX!

A GOOD ONE

The Rough Guide to Cult Movies on Olivia Newton-John in Xanadu:

"Grease had made her a movie star. After this, she couldn't get a leading role in Greece."

KID NATION 10: LET ME TALK! (spoilers)

Mark it: it took 30 days for Kid Nation to devolve into an autocracy.

This episode picked up where last week's left off: with the second town council election. Two elections in a week-and-a-half is not a good thing. The kids select DK (Guylan forfeited his seat), Blaine, Michael, and GREG for their leaders. UGH ALL BOYS GROSS. Sophia (whose last name is Wise--seriously) is particularly upset about Greg's rise to power, but then again she is the oldest person in town who is not on council (Alex also objects--so Emilie voted for Greg? UNGRATEFUL!). The original council was made up of a balanced cross-section of the town (the girl, the little girl, the ethnic, and the spaz), but now it's just all of the oldest, strongest boys. Well done, Kid Nation. You elect with all of the wisdom of a week-old former Soviet breakaway republic. Laurel does not take the loss of her council seat well. Anjay seems relieved. Guylan is thrilled. Zach misses his dad, who is Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak.

The next day: Laurel is still not taking the loss of her council seat well. The new council convenes: DK thinks that the problem with Bonanza is "respect." Corollary: DK thinks that he is now everyone's mom. Greg and Blaine agree (with the respect thing), and suggest a "communication game" wherein you have to say something about yourself and if anyone says anything you have to start over. It smells like one of those neo-pedantic games they make you do in grade school that are much closer to child-torture than anything constructive. Michael thinks its a bad idea but keeps quiet. Greg declares himself the Last King of Scotland.

Surprisingly, the game works really well. Ha ha ha. No it doesn't. We get an obligatory (gotsta give the people what they want!) shot of Nathan (fave), who has buttoned-up his shirt all-the-way and is quietly seething. According to his profile, Nathan is a die-hard conservative, who surely does not appreciate this town council suffusing their power over Bonanza. Everyone else looks really bored and annoyed. Jared, in his only appearance this episode, says that this sucks.

Later, Green District has a bitch session with Michael. He tells them that he disagreed with the others, and he will not let them decide things in the future. Greg and Blaine plant themselves under their window and hear everything (how did they know? the producers must have lead them with a trail of Fun-Size Baby Ruths). At one point Green says that they would prefer Greg and Blaine sit in the middle of town all day and say nice things to people instead of working. "We shall do just that, then!," Greg and Blaine say. The next day they camp out in the center of town. For some reason DK is there (did Green say anything about him?). Instead of paying people compliments, they just catcall the girls and make fun of Sophia's shorts. Green converges before them, and it's on. The other three leaders think that Green is too close for the town's good, and Green thinks that the other three leaders are mean and stupid and being more divisive than Green ever has and acting like fascists for spying on them and generally leading poorly. Fair points, all. Michael nuts up and says that he is going to lead more boldly from now on. There is a reconciliation between leaders and then SSSSHHHOWDOWN!

This challenge has something to do with pies and communication. Part of it involves putting inventions in the right order and we all realize that this council is not exactly renowned for its "smarts." Zach carefully notes that Blaine is "'moderately' intelligent." Blaine then announces that the phonograph must have been invented recently because it is for playing CDs. He also says "fuck." If I was using that kind of salty talk on national television when I was 14, my Beastie Boys albums would have been taken off of me and I wouldn't be allowed to watch "Daria" for a long, long time. Blue is first, Green second, yellow third, and red fourth. DK is proving to be kind of a crappy leader (he refuses to listen to Mike, it seems, even though he's probably their best shot for getting the right order). They get the reward and it's between a group of ludicrously cute ponies or letters from home. The mere suggestion of the latter makes everyone burst into tears, but the town council still goes to deliberate. They pick the letters, but briefly withhold Taylor's unless she agrees to behave herself. She refuses, then leaves to take a nap. Jay slash kay. Of course she takes the letter, which most assuredly means that she will not capriciously decide to laze around some more and then go home early.

Everybody reads their letters and cries. Hunter misses his brother. AWW. Greg learns that his cousin has been shot in Iraq. Fuck. Greg looks to camera and tells him that he loves him. See, Brechtian!

Maybe some other stuff happens, but I don't remember it, so I'm moving on to Town Meeting. The town is mixed on how well the council has done. Greg is cited as the main problem by many, and he says that if more than 50% of the town wants him to leave, he will. Of course no one raises their hand, and he is emboldened. Gold Star goes to Laurel. I love her mom. She does what the moms are supposed to do (act super excited and nearly lose it) and then says that they are going shopping when Laurel gets home. Greg hugs Laurel and congratulates her. Hope springs eternal, even for these dumb, dumb kids.

Observations:

1. Ha ha ha Emilie was totally eatin nem pies.

2. Kid Nation had proved its thesis: kids can run themselves well with younger ones at the helm. Sadly, this wasn't clear until the oldest, loudest, and pushiest boys were elected and became the Bush administration of Bonanza.

3. Not enough Jared. Barely enough Nathan and Alex.

4. IMDB says that Greg's last name is Pheasant. IT FUCKING IS NOT! Ha ha ha!

5. Also according to IMDB, Markelle is the only one with credits other than Kid Nation (he played "Young Eugene" in 2006's Dirty Laundry).

KID NATION AFTERTHOUGHTS

1. The producers are trying to make me think that Greg is the Devil.

2. I think a DK/Michael/Blaine/Anjay council will be amazing. Sadly, it will disprove the show's thesis that kids can rule or whatever.

3. DK and Blaine (especially DK) are shoo-ins. Who is voting for Greg (except for Olivia, Mallory, Migle, Natasha, and possibly Gianna and Alex so, basically, everybody but Emilie)? He might be the devil. Also it is hard to say how Laurel is polling these days. I'd say it's "unsure but easily swayable."

4. What Kid Nation has taught me: 1. If you raise your children as conservative Christians in Indiana, there is a 75% chance they will end up mean. That's it so far.

KID NATION 9: NOT EVEN CLOSE TO FAIR (spoilers)

Not to exaggerate, but today's Kid Nation was the greatest thing that has ever happened to America (the continent, from Santa Claus's house to Tierra del Fuego).

It would have been enough just learning that Nathan (fave) and Li'l Tooth (Alex, fave #2) are best pals. It would have been enough just to see more Nathan, whom I was afraid would be shunted back to the periphery after winning the Gold Star like so many Mallorys and DKs before him. I'd have even accepted the continuing storyline of The Redemption of Mike, who realizes the hypocrisy of his initial rejection of Nathan (unlike some Markelles I saw) and officially welcomes him into the Red district.

BUT NO!

This episode saw the eruption of real DRAMA in Bonanza. The producers must have finally gotten bored with how well these kids generally get along (especially that prissy Green district), so they played their hand and made them have a Kid Nation Draft. Blue lost Blaine to Yellow, who needed manpower as much as Blaine needed to step out of Greg's shadow, and Nathan to Red, because Guylan said they needed "smarts." Whuh? Mike notes that the whole reason they are there is because they are smart (or because they promise some watchable batshit insanity, he neglects to add). Nathan is reluctant to go because his best friend (Alex) is in Blue, he's finally got Greg and Blaine off his back, and because Red acts like the biggest bunch of dildos when Nathan moves his stuff in. Blue gains Emilie, which nobody minds, but Greg flips a shit over "losing" Blaine, and even tries to move his stuff into Blaine's new bunk. Blaine is pretty cool about it, but I bet these two guys are not going to keep in touch once this is over. Yellow does not give up anyone (they have been down a kid since Cody left), and Green neither lets anyone go or takes anyone in (Laurel says that this is because her district is so tight, but while I think that it would be hard to pry them apart, they'd be all right with receiving someone; this will prove to be Laurel's downfall). Blue is so mad at Anjay that they make him cry.

Another boring-ass challenge that I only understand five minutes in commences. Laurel says that she thinks she is never wrong (I generally like her, but I believe it). The order is Blue, Yellow, Green, and Red. They lose the reward. A snappish Guylan says that all of the other teams did not try to get the reward, but just wanted to get a higher placement on the Stack-o-Classes. Sophia says something so awful they have to blur her mouth out (I think she said "fuck you" or "go fuck yourself"). By show of hands (at Greg's prompting), everybody but the fellow Red district-ers agree (they have to live with him, after all, and he said in his profile that his favorite world leader is Castro; they have to be careful). Sophia later apologizes. Guylan regrets becoming a Council Leader.

We learn more about the heretofore little-seen Hunter, a Christian from Georgia. He works hard and apparently needs the money because his dad has been out of work for a year (though he does not out-and-out ask for it like Pharoah). He is a very nice, hardworking guy, but it would be the fifth Gold Star for Green and so the whole megillah goes to Blaine. That other contenders (Pharoah, Olivia) are not considered in following weeks suggests the producers' hand in this, which I've generously decided to take as Brechtian (like the kids' many glances to the camera). Randi decides to go home because she really misses her family and does not feel that she's found a place there. Fair enough. At some Randi became as close to Taylor as a sister (even though she voted against her during re-elections), or so Taylor says.

SPEAKING OF RE-ELECTIONS, Jonathan asks the townskids if they are happy with the Town Council. Only Blaine raises his hand, but they just gave him $20,000, so his opinion is suspect. Jonathan then hoists a fistful of ballots aloft (lucky he thought to bring them) and announces that this widespread discontent means that it must be time for a RE-ELECTION! DK is running against Guylan (oh shit), Michael (the hippie one) is running against Laurel, BLAINE IS RUNNING AGAINST ZACH AND GREG IS RUNNING AGAINST ANJAY!!! Sausage/Fest '07!

Observations:

*Did I mention that this episode had lots of Nathan and Alex? Automatic A+++.

*Greg is like one of those fire-and-brimstone preachers who really cares and believes in what he says but also sleeps with hookers and does blow. Half the time he seems to be working hard, trying to make the younger kids feel better, or showing everyone how they can actually have fun in some dusty ol' ghost town (my money says that he's the one who taught the others what boilermakers are), and the other half of the time he is acting like the craziest baby you ever saw. My brother noted how ludicrous he looks around all of those ten-year-olds, and suggested that he is on the show to hide from some girl he knocked up. Corollary: Sophia's horror when he throws his hat into the ring=hahahaha.

*An out-of-character Olivia was very smug and nasty, especially to Anjay.

*Zach showed his dildo stripes by making fun of the kids who miss their families. There are cameras on you, and I am pretty sure that you are not drunk! Stop making the Jew Crew look bad!

*Predictably, Jared locked himself in jail, kicked his way out, and then beat up a chest of drawers, all while eating from the enormous lollipop he was using as a pimp cane two episodes ago.

iTouch Review

This thing is awesome for all of the reasons that it appears to be awesome. My ipod history is thus: I got a 40g for my 19th birthday four years ago (one of the first to be released). I was forever having it sent away to be replaced (I think I went through three of them, usually because my dog would jump on me, which pulled on the headphones and knock it to the ground). I gave up on it sometime last year. Then I got a shuffle, which I can't recommend enough. Even after I ran it through the washer it works. And now I have the iTouch.

The only problems I've been having is that I often have to bang on the touchscreen to get it to go through. That might just be my problem. Maybe the knack of it will come with time.

WHAT AN ABSOLUTE FART LAST NIGHT'S "KID NATION" WAS

I suppose it's subjective. People complained about last week's, and that cemented my top-two favorites (Nathan, for his jacket and adorable diligence, and Greg, who proved once and for all that he is a "good guy") AND had Jared-the-Pimp. But I will nonetheless note that these kids and I have different ideas about what is actually entertaining and what makes me wish this wasn't happening.

I feel awkward about saying any more because these are kids and they were just putting on a little show for each other because some producers told them to. That is the worst part of KN: I feel obligated to be kind to these children because they are, after all, children, capable of crying and possibly savvy enough to have a Google Alert set on "Kid Nation."

All of that aside, there were some amazing moments: Alex not knowing who "Paris and Nicole" are, Anjay being wary about Olivia's act (and next week he might get punched in the face! Dude has the hardest district to manage, and you cannot spell your way out of that, especially if your bones are not totally formed), Green District is Upper Class (and another Green won the star), and Blaine peed in the saloon sink. What a show.

Oh, and Greg totally has a crush on Sophia. Ooo!

Update

A brief list of what I have been up to, in rough chronological order:

-I completed a short film for my Intro to Filmmaking class. My professor, a really cool Czech guy, really seemed to like me and appreciate my talent and thoughts about film. It inspired me to consider film school for graduate school for a while, but now I am leaning towards library science.

-I graduated from college.

-The day after I graduated from college, I saw Arnold Schwartznegger at the Starbucks in Potomac (I was at Chicken Out). OMG OMG OMG. It was Mother's Day, so I guess he was in town to see his wife's family.

-We (my family) did not go to the Bahamas after all. Instead we went to Delaware/Maryland's Eastern Shore (a few days in Rehoboth and few at the Ocean City Hilton).

-We went back in September to the Ocean City Hilton. I was a month into my diet and had a creme brulee as a reward. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me, so I guess that means the diet is really working.

-I am on a diet. I've lost nearly thirty-five pounds since I left St. Mary's (though I did not begin the diet really until late August). I'd like to thank Sprite Zero, my iPod Shuffle, The Best Show on WFMU podcast, the Guys With Feelings podcast, my mom's treadmill, Headline News, Vitamin Water, and root beer floats made with diet root beer and light vanilla ice cream for my success.

-The best TV show theme is for the BBC3 series "Snuff Box." It even edges out "Doctor Who" and "The Adventures of Pete & Pete." I can't be wrong about this.

-I discovered "Big Dipper," a late-80s era Boston band. Fan-tastic.

-I got a new cell phone: the hip-n-young Virgin Switch_Back.

-I started studying German. Sehr gut.

-I finally read Moby Dick. It was one of my dad's favorites, but I always saw it as one of those slog-books and kept putting it off. I got around to it about a month ago and loved it. It's hilarious! Best American book I've ever read.

-Bad newes: I accidentally washed my iPod Shuffle with my jeans and while it still works, it's not 100%. I also spilled tea on my keyboard. The w, q, tab, and left shift keys no longer work (I can jigger the w and q ones by hitting e as I press on them, so if you see extra e's that is why). Maybe starting another blog was a bad idea.

-I discovered the show Kid Nation. Guess what? I love love love Kid Nation. 90% of the reasons why I started this blog are to do with Kid Nation. How can it work so well and be so goddamn great? My guess is that with kids there is an implicit absence of a layer of artifice and cynicism that we (viewers) expect from other reality shows (your Tila Tequilas, Rock of Loves) because these are kids, and thus less likely to be appearing on the show for reasons other than wanting to prove that "kids can build a better world." In other words, they're fresher meat. Raw-er and real-er. Not that that is necessarily and/or wholly true of course (a third of these kids say they want to be actors when they grow up on their webpages). I hope that makes sense.

-My favorite Kid Nations are Nathan (#1 fave), Alex, Greg, Anjay, Laurel, Jasmine (best webpage on cbs.com/kidnation and a hilarious double-take last episode), Michael, Jared, Morgan, Markelle (for his hat and pogosticksmanship), Zach, Pharaoh, Mike, DK, Taylor, Jimmy, and Eric.

Birfthday II

So now my birthday is nearly over (sad), and thus I'm writing my long-promised post about it.

First, my birthday. I turned twenty-three today (a yawn of a birthday). My family took me out to lunch, and threw me a small party. It was nice: there was a red velvet cake, Dublin Mudslide ice cream, and six-cheese pizza. My brother Matt gave me a purse with Bath & Body Works toiletries in it; my brother Joe gave me a copy of the Stephen Colbert book; and my mother gave AN iPOD TOUCH. While it is no iPhone (which I don't really want, especially right now when I am not working and wouldn't use it enough to justify the $400 price and $60+ a month plan), it's a marvel. I feel almost unworthy of having it.

I concluded the day by watching Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette and Robert Altman's Short Cuts. I also finished another 50 pages of Anna Karenina.

Birfthday

Also, today is my birthday. I turned a prime number. More on that to come. For now, put me in yo' Google Reader!

Back, Blogging

I've revived my blog! Check often for my myoozingz on Kid Nation, applying to grad school, and Kid Nation. I freaking love Kid Nation.