1. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is the worst. If you cracked her open you'd find nothing but spiders and yellow smoke.

2. I can't catch a break. Or so it seems, but I'm only basing that on my experiences from early November 1984 to now.

3. I've never seen the "'n Chips" one before. I love it!

4. What's worse: the word "yuppies" used today (still!) or yuppies talking about how great The US Office is?

There's ALREADY Shenanigans

I Saw "W"

Oliver Stone chose to make Karl Rove (SPOILER) a total little dork nerd. There's even one scene where he's excited and he's hopping up and down like he just found out that his mom is letting him do cosplay at an anime convention. It's hilarious and unexpected, but not totally incongruous, if his Proust Questionnaire is to be believed*. Imagine how depressed I got when I found out that he really likes Borges too.

*And why wouldn't it?**

**Because he's Karl Rove.

The Guy That Ate the Big Burger

My mother's side of the family comes from the same small Pennsylvania town as this guy. My grandmother agreed to marry my grandfather on the condition that he get her the fuck out of Uniontown (not with that language, I assume). Other natives include the Big Mac, Secretary of State George Marshall (of the Marshall Plan), and a surprising number of moderately popular silent film actresses.

FWIW, "burger hangover" actually results in intestinal scarring, mild to moderate lycanthropy, and permanent pelvic misalignment.

This Woman Is Ludicrous

THE EAGLES?!? Hellll nawwww.

John Cleese on Sarah Palin

(the american-ness of his accent now is really weird)

This Palin Character

Seriously, how is this lady* getting away with calling Obama un-American when she got elected mayor and governor because of her ties to the Alaskan Successionist movement?

*har

Tumblr Crossover!

1. The closest thing I have to a vice these days*

2. Heh heh heh. Finally, Philadelphia comes in handy. It was naive of the campaign to think that PHILLY of all places would behave them simple selves no matter how they felt about the election. So, ATTENTION PHILLIES FANS: IT'S OK IF YOU WIN THE WORLD SERIES NOW. AFTER WATCHING THIS VIDEO I DECIDED THAT I WON'T MIND IF YOU BEAT THE DEVIL RAYS.

3. What will happen to Palin when/if McCain loses? Will she receive some of the blame, or has she been permanently hoisted into the Republican firmament, and we can look forward to seeing her in 2012?

*Probably not true. Probably.

"I Actually Did Know..."

I was wondering about this. It really rubbed me the wrong way.

Finale -1

9:02--Kenley was "sabotaged." She's one of those.

9:05--Did Tim just say "snatch shot"??

9:09--I HATE LEANNE'S SKIRTS

9:21--Kenley's "fab" dress looks like hotel drapes.

9:33--Gol, I love Leanne's bridesmaid dress. Feels kind of like a beach wedding.

9:58--Not very surprised. Jerell's work always felt a bit...slapped together. Or, "hog wild."

Overall: ZZZZZ.

Dogs Are Stupid

You idiots can't vote.

1. I took my LSATs today. I did them at MC, and there was some woman standing by the North Entrance holding a sign of an aborted baby that read "McCain/Palin '08." Maybe it's because I was especially attuned that morning (here's to hopin' oh god) to logical fallacies, but I wasn't sure from the sign alone if McCain is pro or con aborted babies.

2. At the test I was seated next to one of the cutest guys I've ever seen in my life. After dropping me off*, my mom spoke with him as he was coming in (she is basically the opposite of me). She said that he said he had gone to Charleston and that he was "very nervous."

3. "An American Carol" came out yesterday. From reviews I gather that Trace Adkins plays the Angel of Death and himself. So then in the universe of this movie the Harvester of Souls took a break from his duties to write "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk." And then tour with it. I'll tell you more once I see this (I'm waiting for IMAX).

*We were going to Guapo's later, which then became Checker's without anybody asking me.

PR EYE!

Before I saw this week's episode of Project Runway, I had naturally assumed that Kenley was America's Greatest Monster. On the show she has appeared whiny, petty, rude, self-absorbed, and worst of all, her shit is played. But then this week she revealed that people hated her because she was the daughter of a tugboat captain. Because of LSAT study I did not see this when it was first broadcast, but now I have a pretty good guess as to what that reedy exhalation I heard at about 9:15 p.m. on Wednesday: it was America's collective gasp of understanding.

What else happened that I remember? Michael Kors nearly pulled his face off during the deliberations. Nina fared little better. Heidi talked about lacking taste while wearing a blazer over a spangled bra. Everyone wahhed and crybabied their way into another chance at Bryant Park (sort of). Leanne either can't work a camera or decided to be super-arty with her photos. Everyone explained how they come from Circumstances so THEY HAVE TO WIN! Jerell is skinny as hell (or as my ancestors might have said, haaaale). Isn't "model" the worst job ever? Most get paid nothing to wear the stupidest clothes by mediocre designers. It's like punishment for being stunning. Of course, most creative-type professions look like punishment unless for those at the very top.

Next week: another liveblog!!!!!!!

Overheard

"If you would have told me in January 2001 that the next president of the United States would be a black guy, I would have thought, 'oh God, no, Alan Keyes is going to be president.'"

Bad News

Was in Quince Orchard/Gaithersburg today. There were McCain/Palin signs EVERYWHERE.

I have a bad feeling.