QUIZNO'S: NOW FEATURING HEARTBREAKING ITALIAN

(trans.: "I never knew that you (fam.) were a philosopher.")

SIX WORD MEMOIR OF MELISSA JAY GYALTSEN

Whatever but who cares right guys?

(from today's Leonard Lopate)

EASTBOUND AND DOWN

EASTBOUND AND DOWN

EASTBOUND AND DOWN

EASTBOUND AND DOWN

This show and "DELOCATED" are going to have to chimp-fight to determine which is my favorite right now. THAT'S JUST HOW IT'S GOING TO HAVE TO BE. Seriously, DAVID GORDON GREEN is directing for this now.

My brother Matt said it best: EASTBOUND AND DOWN is about where you hope John Rocker is right now.

N.B.

The side in a Taco Bell combo meal is another, smaller taco.

TOP CHEF POSTGAME

Carla got "dommed" (as the kids say) by a stronger personality. That was what was wrong with her the first eight or so episodes. Once most of the jokers fell away, she was able to do what she was capable of.

Looking at this typed out, I realize that I may be projecting. But girlfriend is from Takoma Park*! TPK! How can I not feel a kinship?

*That's right! DC hell! She's just another lying-ass Marylander (again, like me).

HILARIOUS

Marionberry

HUH

In a 1989 study, New York psychologist J. Marvin Eisenstadt scoured the records of 699 eminent Americans and found that 45 percent had lost a parent before age 21.

Whole article here.

"LOOK AROUND YOU" CREATORS/STARS PETER SERAFINOWICZ AND ROBERT POPPER ON "THE BEST SHOW ON WFMU" TOMORROW

MORE INFO HERE! GODDAMN IT I HAVE CAPS TICKETS!

ALL HASHED OUT

BEST: Hilarious rapper who doesn't give a shit what people think.*

WORST: Racist ventriloquist.

*Science is very close to this.

DRACSEARCH

Bleh!

(remember to turn on y'alls speakers when youse search)

IT'S ONE OF "THOSE" SUNDAYS

Your triumphs and your pomp transpire,
The nobility passes and kingdoms crumble,
Time brings low all mortal things;
And what he reaps from those less good, he does not pass to those more worthy:
And not only the superficial things are laid waste by time,
But also your eloquence and works of genius.
Thus sped along, the world moves with him;
He takes no time to rest; neither does he stop nor turn from his appointed course,
Until in the end he has transformed you back to your essence: a bit of dust.

–Francesco Petrarca, Trionfo del Tempo (The Triumph of Time), v. 112-120 (S.H. transl.) (ca. 1352)

MY DOG GREW A FAUXHAWK FOR THE "TOP CHEF" FINALE

That was cool of her.

DID I EVER TELL YOU GUYS ABOUT MY TUMBLR?

It's the reason I was voted America's Greatest American.

COMEDY PUPDATE

DELOCATED: New one is on tonight at 10:30 on Adult Swim. Two words: ska mitzvah.

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS: How great was last week's episode? I was worried that with Michel Gondry directing it might get too Golden the Pony Boy tonally (it's already pretty close) but the opposite happened. That was easily the funniest all season, and "Carol Brown" is the best song they've ever done.

EASTBOUND AND DOWN: This one almost hits a little too close to home (i.e. I'm pretty sure I'm related to a few people in it). Oh, and it's fucking fantastic. HBO needs to pair it up with something that suits it better than FOTC. Like reruns of THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTFOOT. Otherwise things like this will happen.

LOOK AROUND YOU: This has been airing on Adult Swim, in case you didn't know. Probably the best comedy series of the 00s, on either side of "the pond*."

MORE TO COME WHEN I CATCH UP ON STUFF/FEEL LIKE IT

*Get it?

TOP FIVE FAVORITE SPORTS MOVIES OF SOMEONE (ME) WHO DOESN'T PARTICULARLY CARE FOR SPORTS

1. SLAP SHOT
2. FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
3. SLAP SHOT
4. SLAP SHOT
5. HOT ROD*

*Marked down because I'm not sure that it's a sports movie. If it isn't, then #5 is SLAP SHOT.

CORRIEARKLET

I can't believe that this phenomenon has a name*; it's been giving me panic attacks since I was about twelve.

*And it would have been Douglas Adams that did it.

YEAH

frum heer

(via The Triumph of Bullshit)

SIBLING SILLIES

Me: Who has been our most jack-diesel* President?
Matt, my fourteen year old brother: Obama.
Me: Second-most?
Matt: Taft. Psych! More like most FAT-diesel! STICE**!

*I am not sure what this means, but he likes to yell it during Sportscenter.
**Ibid.

BAD CALL, COOKIE

(unless crossword puzzles count)

DELOCATED DEBUTS TONIGHT @ 10:30 ON ADULT SWIM

I AM EXCITED AS I'VE EVER BEEN! JON GLASER LAUGH ME LONG TIME!

ART IS HARD TO EXPLAIN

"That was a conceit that was just an idea, and it worked out well."

--Robert Altman on "The Long Goodbye"

RICK SANCHEZ IS HECK OF UPSET

OH MY GOD

(so many emotions, all at once...)

TEN THINGS LIAM GALLAGHER LOVES, TEN MORE HE HATES

(via whatevs)

NAMES OF SOME DOG OWNERS IN THE WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW

Yvonne Hassler-Deterding
Kiki Courtelis
Lois H. McCracken
Beate Pruitt
Elaine Hunsicker
Dr. Abner Mercado
Fara Bushnell
Cindi Stumm
Helene Nietsch
Cindy Huggins
Bruce Vandeman
Lynn Nieto
Eun Yum
Denise A. Milko
Elyse Vandermolen
Sascha M. Rockefeller
Margo Koga
Kasey Mando
Ava Tyree

WASHINGTON REDSKINS

I've never been able to go whole hog, so to speak, in supporting the Redskins (I tend to get my "Hooray for DC!" energies out with the Wizards, Nats, and CAAAAPS) . And it isn't just because football for me is as interesting as watching someone else play video games. Mostly it has to do with that cringe-worthy name (an ethnic slur, for God's sake!), and the belligerent unwillingness to change it, or acknowledge that it's kind of fucked up.



So when stuff like this attempted mascot at the 1995 Pro Bowl happens and make the whole issue seem rather moot, it's a kind of relief. I mean, are you really going to try and argue that?



Also worth noting: how absurdly adorable this Miami Dolphin is. I've always liked them because their logo is a little dolphin wearing a football helmet, but this guy is past nuts. Talk about cute overload!

(from this article)

PER SUO/A AMANTE

Or if it's that kind of Valentine's Day:



Tous les deux sont ici.

I GOT TOP CHEF FEVER

I can't stop laughing at this. And I like Carla!

(via Max Silvestri)

KSCHH OR SHIIISH

Is it just me or is this description of the Barn Owl in The Field Guide to Birds East of the Rockies...poetic? Kind of beautiful, kind of literary? And that description of its voice is like a Dada poem.

CHRISTIAN BALE'S APOLOGY IS NEWS TO CHRISTIAN BALE

I GOT BEAT

I was going to record this off of my DVR* last night but forgot. DAG! It's insane-larious.

*I was running and for a moment thought it was a mile-five hallucination.

"ANY OF YOUSE GUYS GOT ANY WOODER?"

What happened to this girl is depressing and enraging, yes, but the "shot" of the cop laying on the hood of his cruiser and getting his eyes flushed out (he accidentally pepper-sprayed himself) is as funny as anything in Pineapple Express.

MY RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE

My hockey boyfriend Alexander Ovechkin has been caught ogling a couple of Montreal skanks. This is heartbreaking.

OM NOM NOM SIRRAH

There's something about these kinds of cats that reminds me of deposed royalty.

(they're supercilious yet defeated)

CAKE WRECKX-N-EFFECT

Got this from the Giant in Olney today. Could be a disgruntled Cowboys fan, perhaps. Already submitted it to Cake Wrecks!

(though I am rooting for the Cranballers)