Not to exaggerate, but today's Kid Nation was the greatest thing that has ever happened to America (the continent, from Santa Claus's house to Tierra del Fuego).
It would have been enough just learning that Nathan (fave) and Li'l Tooth (Alex, fave #2) are best pals. It would have been enough just to see more Nathan, whom I was afraid would be shunted back to the periphery after winning the Gold Star like so many Mallorys and DKs before him. I'd have even accepted the continuing storyline of The Redemption of Mike, who realizes the hypocrisy of his initial rejection of Nathan (unlike some Markelles I saw) and officially welcomes him into the Red district.
BUT NO!
This episode saw the eruption of real DRAMA in Bonanza. The producers must have finally gotten bored with how well these kids generally get along (especially that prissy Green district), so they played their hand and made them have a Kid Nation Draft. Blue lost Blaine to Yellow, who needed manpower as much as Blaine needed to step out of Greg's shadow, and Nathan to Red, because Guylan said they needed "smarts." Whuh? Mike notes that the whole reason they are there is because they are smart (or because they promise some watchable batshit insanity, he neglects to add). Nathan is reluctant to go because his best friend (Alex) is in Blue, he's finally got Greg and Blaine off his back, and because Red acts like the biggest bunch of dildos when Nathan moves his stuff in. Blue gains Emilie, which nobody minds, but Greg flips a shit over "losing" Blaine, and even tries to move his stuff into Blaine's new bunk. Blaine is pretty cool about it, but I bet these two guys are not going to keep in touch once this is over. Yellow does not give up anyone (they have been down a kid since Cody left), and Green neither lets anyone go or takes anyone in (Laurel says that this is because her district is so tight, but while I think that it would be hard to pry them apart, they'd be all right with receiving someone; this will prove to be Laurel's downfall). Blue is so mad at Anjay that they make him cry.
Another boring-ass challenge that I only understand five minutes in commences. Laurel says that she thinks she is never wrong (I generally like her, but I believe it). The order is Blue, Yellow, Green, and Red. They lose the reward. A snappish Guylan says that all of the other teams did not try to get the reward, but just wanted to get a higher placement on the Stack-o-Classes. Sophia says something so awful they have to blur her mouth out (I think she said "fuck you" or "go fuck yourself"). By show of hands (at Greg's prompting), everybody but the fellow Red district-ers agree (they have to live with him, after all, and he said in his profile that his favorite world leader is Castro; they have to be careful). Sophia later apologizes. Guylan regrets becoming a Council Leader.
We learn more about the heretofore little-seen Hunter, a Christian from Georgia. He works hard and apparently needs the money because his dad has been out of work for a year (though he does not out-and-out ask for it like Pharoah). He is a very nice, hardworking guy, but it would be the fifth Gold Star for Green and so the whole megillah goes to Blaine. That other contenders (Pharoah, Olivia) are not considered in following weeks suggests the producers' hand in this, which I've generously decided to take as Brechtian (like the kids' many glances to the camera). Randi decides to go home because she really misses her family and does not feel that she's found a place there. Fair enough. At some Randi became as close to Taylor as a sister (even though she voted against her during re-elections), or so Taylor says.
SPEAKING OF RE-ELECTIONS, Jonathan asks the townskids if they are happy with the Town Council. Only Blaine raises his hand, but they just gave him $20,000, so his opinion is suspect. Jonathan then hoists a fistful of ballots aloft (lucky he thought to bring them) and announces that this widespread discontent means that it must be time for a RE-ELECTION! DK is running against Guylan (oh shit), Michael (the hippie one) is running against Laurel, BLAINE IS RUNNING AGAINST ZACH AND GREG IS RUNNING AGAINST ANJAY!!! Sausage/Fest '07!
Observations:
*Did I mention that this episode had lots of Nathan and Alex? Automatic A+++.
*Greg is like one of those fire-and-brimstone preachers who really cares and believes in what he says but also sleeps with hookers and does blow. Half the time he seems to be working hard, trying to make the younger kids feel better, or showing everyone how they can actually have fun in some dusty ol' ghost town (my money says that he's the one who taught the others what boilermakers are), and the other half of the time he is acting like the craziest baby you ever saw. My brother noted how ludicrous he looks around all of those ten-year-olds, and suggested that he is on the show to hide from some girl he knocked up. Corollary: Sophia's horror when he throws his hat into the ring=hahahaha.
*An out-of-character Olivia was very smug and nasty, especially to Anjay.
*Zach showed his dildo stripes by making fun of the kids who miss their families. There are cameras on you, and I am pretty sure that you are not drunk! Stop making the Jew Crew look bad!
*Predictably, Jared locked himself in jail, kicked his way out, and then beat up a chest of drawers, all while eating from the enormous lollipop he was using as a pimp cane two episodes ago.
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