Open Letter

Dear Old People Who Are In Charge of Their Business's Website,

I know that when you went to b-school back in the early 1980s the internet was barely a gleam in the eyes of some nerds in northern California, and you're totally unprepared to develop this sort-of new medium into another means of trying to trick young people out of their money.

I understand.

But you must stop putting audio--or god forbid, video clips--on your sites. Young people often listen to music while they are on their computers, and it really pisses me off when I am trying to claim my Quiznos coupon and listen to "Woody Allen on Comedy" to have to have to stop and find the "Audio Off" button.

It's just what how we use it. Keep your site simple, easy to navigate and load, and free of bells and whistles (literally).

(btw (not you, old people, I'm done with you), this Woody Allen on Comedy thing is amazing; it's hilarious how even back then your more artful comedians--Woody Allen, Jonathan Winters--were annoyed with and shit on the popular, lowest common denominator ones like Jackie Gleason and Jack Benny)